I have always been in relationships, since I could last remember. And who'd ever thought that being out of relationship is the one thing one actually needs to go through, especially in uni life ! People always make it seem that uni life is sorta the best time of your life to fall in love, travel together etc. Well, I think it's the best time for you to fall in love with yourself, to love yourself before you love others !
Uni is the only time in your life where for most of us, are able to make our own decisions at our own pace and we can shape our lives into however we'd like it to be. For me atleast, throughout highschool, my parents has always advised and encouraged me to join debate teams, represent sports teams etc which indirectly sorta shaped into my goals throughout highschool. But in uni, its different, all they want is for me to score for my exams (also to make money la if possible hehehe). So I had the pleasure and freedom of making my own choices ! Knowing what I really wanted and like.
When I came into my first year, I was trying out almost everything really but I tried out the things that other people think would be good for me, not what I think is best for myself nor would I enjoy it. I mean I know for sure I'll enjoy the time I have, like most of the time, but I was doing it because it seemed right to others. So, I got into a relationship with someone who you'd seem would be the right guy, I joined student bodies like Model United Nations etc. Everything seem to be laid out so perfectly, but I never really smiled from within, there's always something missing. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time ! But I was learning about the same things as I did throughout highschool, putting up with debates, learning how to organize events etc.
Then Spring break came, and I had my first solo travel to Serbia, Macedonia & Kosovo. Not even knowing if I'd enjoy travelling alone, but I knew one thing for sure was that I loved travelling ! And being lost alone in a foreign country, was I guess, the moment that changed everything. Getting adrenaline rush and feeling nervous meeting strangers for the first time, that was really thrilling! And I guess that was the word for it, I was searching for something out of the ordinary !
Then during the Summer break of my 1st year, I did my first internship & started off my very own business with my mum. I didn't know I had that much time and energy to be put into my goals at that moment really ! All I knew was I was going to waking up for work at 7AM and would go cafe hopping after work to sell my cookies and would arrive home at 10PM. And there were no frets, because I enjoyed what I was doing :)
Then throughout my 2nd year in uni, having a boyfriend didn't even seem like a thing I had to have to be happy ! I started to love being able to do what I wanna do how I want it, not having to worry if the other half would be concern who I'm out with, what time will I be home, having urgent texts I would have to reply to, waiting anxiously for someone else's text, think about how the other person would feel if I decided to do something without telling and all that relationship stuff. I figured that I'm only 21, and I mean honestly though, I'll have only a couple of years left before I will put others before me (you know, before you completely fall in love happily etc) so why do I have to rush that now? So I had a great time throughout my 2nd year! I even started to watch TV series from the beginning of the season till the end because I just realised, I never really had the time for my own all this while.
Over my Summer break of my 2nd year, I was busy growing my own business, expanding it, with my partner (my mum ofcourse) ! We got so busy that I didn't even have time to do manicure or pedicure, nor did I have time to watch the movies in the cinema that I wish I did ! I remember the many times I had to cancel meet ups with my own friends and the nights I slept with my laptop watching me.. And the only movie I really wanted was to watch Suicide Squad so I made myself free for that movie, which was interrupted by the many phone calls I had since we had something going on at the cafe. Although it got a little intense setting up our own shop within 2 months, it was definitely worth it in the end, I felt satisfied, I knew I was doing what I wanted :)
Coming into uni the 3rd year, at first, I could feel a huge space of emptiness. And a lot of reasons came into mind. I had to prioritize my student uni life again, and find for student jobs and still make time to do work for The Skinny Bakers far from home. Having to spend more time in my room, I got to sleep without alarms neither did I have to rush myself out of bed, which was kinda nice since it's been awhile.
I even had the time to watch Harry Potter ! I've never really finished watching all Harry Potter movies before ! And it felt so good having to watch movies without my phone buzzing again. It's such a bliss to have time for my own again, some me-time :)
To think of it, it's kinda nice. Not having anyone else's expectation of you to indirectly shape who you want to be or the decisions you make. To be able to sleep through the night soundly not having to argue with someone or cry over the decisions you make that might have indirectly hurt someone else. I mean love
So here's to enjoying that carefree life for as long as possible ! The right one will come at the right time at the right place (even if its after this blogpost which is most unlikely because I'm about to continue my Harry Potter marathon hehehe). Point is, I wouldn't go out of my way to fall in love or find the right guy, all these love and relationship stuff, will find its own way around things :)
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