Reciting the Quran

Most muslims usually learn to recite the Quran at a very young age, which is good really, since it's easier for us to learn and remember when we were younger. However, some of us tend to not read it as often at a certain phase of our own lives. For instance, when you're busy catching up with coccuricular activities in high school, assignments in college or even catching up with your own friends in university. Basically, most of us tend to have our own phase whereby we tend to prioritize everything else and abide our obligations in reciting the Quran, which is normal. People just get busy chasing their goals sometimes, although we try to balance our current life and after life ambitions.

Anyways, the problem is that in this phase of life, most of us get a little rusty on reciting the Quran. We miss out on the little things that is important in reciting the Quran like the 'hums' and 'tajwids'. Then when we start to grab hold of the Quran and start reciting it often again, we think we're doing it right.

For me personally, I learnt to recite the Quran when I was 5 years old roughly. And I managed to finish it when I was about 12, in a way, 'khatam'. Throughout high school, I did not really spend as much time reading the Quran. Gotta admit, my recitation got a bit rusty. When I was about 17 years old, I started to read it again. Alone, in my room, usually after prayers after roughly 4-5 years of reciting the Quran during 'festive' season or whenever necessary. I've definitely lost my touch.
However today, I decided to tag along with my mum to her 'Quran Recitation Classes', or in a way 'Tadarus'. And I stuttered on a few words.Then I realised, I really need to start reciting with guidance again. So many Arabic words I've pronounced wrong. I needed to stop thinking I was good enough to read by myself, that I needed a teacher.

It came across my mind, that so many of us might be doing the same mistake out there. There's so many of us who suddenly decides to start reciting the Quran often again, thinking we've got it, but we actually lost our touch.

It occured to me that, we need to put our ego and over-confidence down. Language is not that easily remembered if not practised. That we need a teacher to be really fluent and pronounce this beautiful Arabic language properly. Its okay to learn again even if it means from scratch, rather than to continue reciting the Holy Book wrongly. Doesn't matter how old you are, or how many years it's been since you've last read it, it's always good to learn or atleast have someone to guide & teach you. And it's definitely not about how fast you've read it, or how many times you've finished reciting it (khatam), but the concern should be more on the quality of your reading and what you understand about this significant Holy Book that is supposed to guide you in your life-making decisions :)

Fear of Falling in Love,

"I fear of falling in love. No, the heart ache if it doesn't work out does not fear me. People will always get hurt, doesn't matter if you're in or not in a relationship. I fear that when I fall inlove, I would lose myself. My own identity. What defines me. I fear that I place my time and effort too much on that one person when I could've spared my love for others who deprive of love more. I fear that when I fall inlove, I would fall out of my family and friends. I fear that I might actually be more inlove with the idea of being in a relationship rather than loving the person for who he is. Worst of all, I fear that in the end of the day, I won't even be able to define what love is"

Confessions of a Hijabi

We try to make it seem easy, but its not as easy as it looks. Wearing the headscarf means you come with the responsibility to show that Muslims are good, as most people meet Muslims first before they meet Islam.

People criticize and scrutinize us, but they forget that we are still, only human. We still have the same temptations and desires as anyone else does. And our temptations differ, like anyone else. Some of us might have temptation to get out of our comfort zone. Whereas there are some of us, who sometimes wanna keep up with what's in trend or what the world calls fashion. Although we know that some of these things are wrong, but like anyone else, we still give up to temptations. We still make mistakes. People say that we live in a liberated society, that our scarves or the way we wear our clothes, are not to be accepted as a practice within the community. But liberation can only mean so little if it does not make a person feel free from social conventions, especially with regard to sexual roles. And when people argue that we lack freedom of rights, the only freedom of rights that we do not have is to be judged by the society. So yes, please stop scrutinizing and bashing us on your social media networks.

Then there are times that they say we are terrorists, but the only terrorist out there are the ones killing others. Do we look like terrorist to you? Are we even carrying guns? Or maybe the reason we seem like terrorists to you, is because you fear the truth, that our religion is the religion of the truth. And no, we do not support those who kill others under the name of 'Islam'. In fact, we despise them. Islam is a religion of peace, although by some others, the obligations written are 'misunderstood' or 'misinterpreted'.

On the other hand, some of us like the challenge, especially myself. Waking up everyday, telling yourself, you've got to prove yourself that you are . To prove the world that although you're a Muslim woman with a headscarf, you are still educated and intellectual. Most people in the world underestimate us, thinking that women in Islam does not have rights to education are shallow enough. And nevertheless, we can still be adventurous and athletic still ! A scarf on a head doesn't change our decision making or make us less capable then anyone else. That we can still be as 'successful'. We are actually proud of our scarves, never embarrassed.

Also, sometimes we have good hair days that once in a while, the demon in us whispers to just wave it out in the air, be 'free'. But we constantly remind ourselves, on how liberated we feel wearing our scarves out, so we decide to wear them everyday anyways, although some of us still follow the temptations to open up once in a while. And no, that does not mean that our 'iman' or believe towards the Al-Mighty has decreased even a little. Beyond that, we also have bad hijab days like anyone else has bad hair days !

And no, we do not expect your pity. We expect to be treated like anyone else. With respect. Like how we are supposed to respect each others' different decisions living in a diverse community. Although it's nice sometimes to be rewarded, like how some of our friends and relatives buy us those beautiful scarves showing us their endless support. But we do not want that 'special attention' or to be treated differently. For most of us, the only reward we really expect is from the 'after-life' and that this life, that we regard as a test, will be more blessed by the Al-Mighty.

We never really mind anyone asking us about our scarves. As for most us, we made the decision to wear it by ourselves, and we aren't forced to. It is an obligation by our religion that we love most, that we feel and know is perfect. We feel protected and liberated wearing our scarf, and as women, it'd be kinda nice for us to let you know how it feels to be safe. Beyond that, the moment we put our headscarves on, we know that the society will judge us by our character and personality, rather than how we look, which is only with us temporarily. So if you're ever curious on how it feels like to go by a day atleast with a head scarf on, we would be more than happy and willing to put on the head scarf for you, even if it means using our own headscarves. We really do feel secure that when a man looks at us, he does not stare at us with the 'rape' look.

All in all, no matter what we do or how we wear it, we know by heart, that in the end of the day, we want to try wear the scarf perfectly, cover ourselves perfectly. And we will always pray and try, every day, to make ourselves better Muslims, better believers, to the one and only, the Al-Mighty. Together, insyaAllah.

Upon Selfishness

"I believe the longer we look at ourselves in the mirror, the more selfish we are prone to be. The more selfies we take, the more we would be 'full of ourselves'. The more we talk about ourselves, the more we are too self-orientated. But don't get me wrong, there are certain benefits in all this. It's just I fear that one day, the society we live in, would care way too much for themselves that they care too little for others. Would pressure themselves to keep up with the materialistic world rather than living the real world. Would help others only with intentions that they would be able to look better for themselves rather than to make others live a better life. I am afraid that the future of our society, would be filled with more selfish people rather than selfless, for the good"