Confessions of a Hijabi

We try to make it seem easy, but its not as easy as it looks. Wearing the headscarf means you come with the responsibility to show that Muslims are good, as most people meet Muslims first before they meet Islam.

People criticize and scrutinize us, but they forget that we are still, only human. We still have the same temptations and desires as anyone else does. And our temptations differ, like anyone else. Some of us might have temptation to get out of our comfort zone. Whereas there are some of us, who sometimes wanna keep up with what's in trend or what the world calls fashion. Although we know that some of these things are wrong, but like anyone else, we still give up to temptations. We still make mistakes. People say that we live in a liberated society, that our scarves or the way we wear our clothes, are not to be accepted as a practice within the community. But liberation can only mean so little if it does not make a person feel free from social conventions, especially with regard to sexual roles. And when people argue that we lack freedom of rights, the only freedom of rights that we do not have is to be judged by the society. So yes, please stop scrutinizing and bashing us on your social media networks.

Then there are times that they say we are terrorists, but the only terrorist out there are the ones killing others. Do we look like terrorist to you? Are we even carrying guns? Or maybe the reason we seem like terrorists to you, is because you fear the truth, that our religion is the religion of the truth. And no, we do not support those who kill others under the name of 'Islam'. In fact, we despise them. Islam is a religion of peace, although by some others, the obligations written are 'misunderstood' or 'misinterpreted'.

On the other hand, some of us like the challenge, especially myself. Waking up everyday, telling yourself, you've got to prove yourself that you are . To prove the world that although you're a Muslim woman with a headscarf, you are still educated and intellectual. Most people in the world underestimate us, thinking that women in Islam does not have rights to education are shallow enough. And nevertheless, we can still be adventurous and athletic still ! A scarf on a head doesn't change our decision making or make us less capable then anyone else. That we can still be as 'successful'. We are actually proud of our scarves, never embarrassed.

Also, sometimes we have good hair days that once in a while, the demon in us whispers to just wave it out in the air, be 'free'. But we constantly remind ourselves, on how liberated we feel wearing our scarves out, so we decide to wear them everyday anyways, although some of us still follow the temptations to open up once in a while. And no, that does not mean that our 'iman' or believe towards the Al-Mighty has decreased even a little. Beyond that, we also have bad hijab days like anyone else has bad hair days !

And no, we do not expect your pity. We expect to be treated like anyone else. With respect. Like how we are supposed to respect each others' different decisions living in a diverse community. Although it's nice sometimes to be rewarded, like how some of our friends and relatives buy us those beautiful scarves showing us their endless support. But we do not want that 'special attention' or to be treated differently. For most of us, the only reward we really expect is from the 'after-life' and that this life, that we regard as a test, will be more blessed by the Al-Mighty.

We never really mind anyone asking us about our scarves. As for most us, we made the decision to wear it by ourselves, and we aren't forced to. It is an obligation by our religion that we love most, that we feel and know is perfect. We feel protected and liberated wearing our scarf, and as women, it'd be kinda nice for us to let you know how it feels to be safe. Beyond that, the moment we put our headscarves on, we know that the society will judge us by our character and personality, rather than how we look, which is only with us temporarily. So if you're ever curious on how it feels like to go by a day atleast with a head scarf on, we would be more than happy and willing to put on the head scarf for you, even if it means using our own headscarves. We really do feel secure that when a man looks at us, he does not stare at us with the 'rape' look.

All in all, no matter what we do or how we wear it, we know by heart, that in the end of the day, we want to try wear the scarf perfectly, cover ourselves perfectly. And we will always pray and try, every day, to make ourselves better Muslims, better believers, to the one and only, the Al-Mighty. Together, insyaAllah.